R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
