I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
