I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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