my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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