Farmville is her only friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
