all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
