if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
