Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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