508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
