My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
