so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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