i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
