Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fuck appropriateness.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
