get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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