you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
