please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
