she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
