I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
