I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
