Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
