whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
