I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
