do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
