there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
