I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
