Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
