Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
