Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
