4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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