do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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