My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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