omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
