none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
