Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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