it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
