i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
