he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
