Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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