soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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