Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
