Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
