The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
