something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
