If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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