Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
