Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You made out with two different species that night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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