Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
