In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How external is "for external use only"?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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