honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
