what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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